Did They Share the Adventure? - Day 2

Day Two... not really sure what to write. I can't believe today happened the way it did. It was not what I expected but more what I feared.

I have been waffling back and forth as to what to write. You see, today was... difficult. I don't regret going to IC today. I am glad I went. I just had an experience that taught me a lot... and showed the side of me I like to hide.

I was alone in a room full of sisters.

Maybe I will explain more later. Maybe I won't.

I have faith that tomorrow will be better.

Day 1... did it Exceed the Expectation?

Wednesday morning came fast. I had not slept well. I was too excited. I got up, got dressed... looked kinda cute too..ha!... and headed out the door. I could not believe I was actually heading to IC! WOW!! I had seen countless pictures of Conventions gone by. I had read countless stories from the past. The images came flooding into my head with eager anticipation. It was strange... similar to all of those goofy feelings we have as anxious kids going to a new friend's house for the first time.

I arrived at the hotel and gingerly went upstairs to check in. I was handed some papers and sent to another location to get the rest of my materials for the week. I hustled over to my "mailbox" and peeked inside, unsure of what treasures would lie inside.

LO AND BEHOLD.....

I was shocked and pleased to find that 6 different people... only one who I knew personally, had honored me with Rose Tributes. I could not believe it! Heck, I had only heard a little about what these were up to now... and here I was at my first IC being so surprised. What a fantastic way to start the day!

As the day progressed, things went well. I volunteered for 2 hours working on making preparations for the candle lighting ceremony that evening. It was nice to be able to participate in such a unique and special way. Then, I went to a meeting for Corp. Boards. It was neat to be surrounded by others who volunteer their time in a similar way. I learned a lot.. and found the dialogue interesting.

I was two for two for the day.

During the day I met two sisters who I had only previously known online. They were warm, gracious and spent some time with me. It was nice. I felt I had begun to make friends. I now KNEW people at convention. I was no longer worried about being awkward and alone in a room full of sisters. I talked to people. I moved out of my comfort zone of being insecure and just did it! I ended the day by attending the candle lighting ceremony. It was so special... something I had never seen before.

Day One was a success. I could not wait to see what Day Two would hold for me. I went home feeling strong, happy and relieved.


I felt renewed in my bonds to AOII.

IC Part One

Well, it is IC week. I have been looking forward to this for two years. Two years ago I envisioned this experience quite differently than reality has caused it to be. Life changes. It twists and turns in unexpected directions. It is to be expected. I spent countless hours scouring the malls for everything I needed to make sure I had exactly what I needed... one white outfit - Check, one LBD - Check, business attire - check, white close toed shoes - check.......

On Tuesday night I could barely sleep. I was excited, nervous and hoping for a wonderful time. I ran around the house making preparations for the days ahead.

For being a member of AOII for 23 years, this was my first convention. I had no idea what to expect. I just wanted to take it all in, meet people and enjoy the time.

What happened next I could never have imagined.

Alone in a Room Full of Sisters

One of the things I love is being a member of my sorority, AOII. This is something that has always been a source of great pride to me. That being said, I am far from your stereotypical sorority girl. I never have been. Many are surprised to learn that I am in a sorority. I find this interesting and funny.

In 1985 I headed off to college. I was young, enthusiastic and ready to face the world. I moved into the dorm and started to meet people and make friends. One of the friends I made was VERY interested in joining a sorority. She wanted to go through Rush but didn't want to go it alone. She asked me if I would go with her. I said I would, but had absolutely NO interest in pledging. I was going to support my friend. I did not see myself as someone a sorority would be interested in. I was very insecure, really. I didn't think any of these groups would find me "worthy" of being a member.

Much to my shock I was asked back to different groups during each round of rush parties. I couldn't believe it. When it was time to go to the last round of parties, Prefs, I was now going through Rush alone. My friend had decided this wasn't for her... but I kept going. I went to two Pref parties, AOII and Chi O. Each group was very different, but special in their own way. I remember looking at my selection card after Prefs and wondering what would happen next. I selected AOII as my first choice. After getting to know the girls, it just seemed like the right fit. They were friendly, kind and open to ME. I was so worried about whether they would want me, too.

Bid day came and I could hardly wait. When I opened up my envelope and so the words "Alpha Omicron Pi" I was ecstatic!! They wanted me. I wanted them. I went to the room where all of the girls were waiting and was greeted by the best reception ever. I knew immediately I had made the right choice.

During the next 24 years I slowly became involved as an Alumna. I first started about 10 years after graduation joining an Alumna Chapter. I did a few things here and there with them. The local AC was not a very active and strong group. It waxed and waned over the years. It didn't really give me the opportunities to become close with other sisters after college.

7 years ago one of my pledge sisters contacted me. She was heading up the Corporation Board for our chapter's new home. We had never had a house before so this was a big deal. She asked me to help. So, for the past 6 years I have been the VP of the Corporation Board. It has given me the chance to feel like I am involved again. Now, it is far from a popular position. It does not make you the most desireable person to the collegiates. I didn't mind, because I have always loved my sisterhood. I knew that, in the long run, I was helping to give back.

Now, is where I get to the part of being alone. In all of these years I have always been involved on the periphial. I have not been the most visible AOII around campus or meetings. I have done fulfilled my responsibilities proudly. (That is what made it easy to become a Life Loyal, the pride I have in being an AOII.)

For many, many years I have wanted to attend an International Convention. It is something I have never had the opportunity or, truth be told, the confidence to do. As proud as I am of being an AOII, I am insecure in being active.

I sit here, form filled out, waiting to push the submit button on my first IC registration and I am terrified. I don't know anyone personally who is going to IC and staying at the hotel. I so want to be totally immersed in this experience, but I worry about being alone in a room full of sisters. It is kind of like being the new kid at school. Where do you sit at a meal? Who will say hello to you as you walk in the room? Will you be accepted and welcomed or alone on the side??

Silly.

But true.

I can't wait to go to my first IC. Regardless of my feelings of insecurity, I am GOING! I am going to do my best to put myself into the fray. -to put myself into the conversaion. -to once again walk into that room full of sisters and feel so excited to be one of the group of women that I have always so loved. I am looking forward, with much excitement and fear, to being a wanted and welcomed member of my sisterhood again.

I love Alpha Omicron Pi, it's ideals, values and members.

International Convention... here I come.


YIKES!!

Nuclear Stress Test.. not so good

Okay, I have been having cardiac concerns for a few weeks now.  With the 911 call and two days later a visit to the ER a few EKG's, and MRI, and more, I knew a cardiologist visit was soon to follow.  A week ago Monday I had my first visit.  Loved him!   He asked a million questions, was proactive and really wanted to get to the bottom of what is going on.  So... last Wednesday and Thursday I spent the days sporting a fashionable and quite trendy heart monitor.  Let me tell you... I can rock a holter!  ha!  Being the clausterphobic person I am, it was not fun... but I just did it.  I knew it would give more information to figure out what was going on.   I thought.. whew!  If I can do this the rest will be easy.

Silly me.

This past Monday I was scheduled for an Echocardiogram with bubble (sounds fun, huh?  I love bubbles!) and a Nuclear Stress Test.  The doctor said to expect about a 4 hour visit.   Jerry went with me... cause you know this is causing him to worry and panic.... and all was off to a good start.   

I was hooked up to the cath thingy in my arm.  Radioactive stuff was sent in.... then off for the Echo.   Well... during the echo the cath sprung a leak.  Nothing like a little blood going all over me and the room.  Very exciting.  People came running, trying to get it to stop.  Jerry looked like he had had enough at this point.  I felt fine... just hoping it wasn't getting on my cute little skort.  (You know... that is important during all of this!  PRIORITIES!)  They get the geyser to stop and continue the test.  What should have been about 10 minutes ended up taking about 40.  The good part of this was we only had to wait another 5 minutes before the Stress Test guy came to get me.

So... into the big revolving chair I went.  This is not designed for short people.  With my arms above my head, feet dangling, I was told it would be about 20+ minutes I had to sit completely still in this machine.  SO... I tried to get comfortable (ya right!) and find my Zen like place to ride out this part of the test.  I did it.  No problem.   Things were looking UP!!  

Next, they took me to the treadmill.  I was hooked up to my second set of electrodes for the day.  The fun part this time was when they used the human sand paper to make sure they had a good contact.  It hurt!!!!  I was tough and joked around the entire time.  They explained to me that the test would contain an initial 3 minute warm-up walk and then the treadmill would get faster and be on a more steep angle.  They would be monitoring my vitals and give me more radioactive "stuff" when I reached optimum heart rate.  They said the test could last as long as 30 minutes.   So, I get on the treadmill and start walking.  I fell confident.. and somewhat athletic.  (I think I look GOOD walking all confident and tall.)  Less than 2 minutes into the test the Dr. starts acting quite alarmed.

Well... my heart decided to jump to above the optimum rate in less than two minutes.  This is virtually unheard of for people of my delicate age.  The Dr. sent the Tech over to me.  He asked how I was feeling... and then my ears went numb.  Hmmm... guessing this isn't a good sign. ;-)  So.. the Dr. decided that was it!  Test done!   In less than 3 minutes my Nuclear Stress test was ended.  

No clue.

I go back next Monday to discuss results and to figure out the next steps.  They offered me no information, insight or options.  

I am thinking it will be fine.   I know it is probably something that a little pill can help.

No worries... just don't want to do that stress test again.  It tends to scare everyone around me.  I was fine, but everyone else in the room was not.

I don't like to make things easy for people.

Update Craziness

Well, here it is.. a long awaited post.  Who is waiting for it, I don't know... but thought I would update regardless.  :-)

My health has been up and down.  Surgery is scheduled for November 21st.  I can't wait!

I am hoping my recent issues will not postpone the surgery.  

Last Monday night I had some type of cardiac distress.  My poor family had to call 911.  It seems that my blood pressure is sky rocketing and then plummeting.

Last Wednesday my mother had to take me to the ER.  Again my blood pressure was very high. (bottom number was over 100)  I was also having chest pain and tightness.  I spent about 10 hours at the hospital.  Nitroglycerin finally brought my blood pressure down and helped with the chest pains.

So....  I am heading to a cardiologist today.  We shall see.

I am concerned that my surgery will have to be postponed until some answers are found.

In the midst of all of this we are in birthday party planning mode for Madeline (11/5) and James (11/11).    It is hard to believe Madeline will be 3 and James will be 12.  Where has the time gone???

Halloween costumes are purchased.   I will try to post pictures when the time comes.  

Thanks for checking in.  I miss writing... but need to concentrate on my health.

Hugs and Kisses!

Check Me OUT!!

1978, yeah baby!!!!
1988 and WORKING it!
1954 and looking better than ever!

I even looked good in the 1960's!! Wooohooooo!!


Check it out!!! http://www.yearbookyourself.com/

Girly Information Ahead!

Okay.. if you don't want to hear about "feminine" issues then don't read this post. It won't be a long one.... but will give some info. to those who know me.

1st - having major issues with my monthly visitor. All tests came back normal.. but the Dr. is thinking we may need to do a hysterectomy. I have had my friend visiting since MAY!!!

2nd - The Dr. found two lumps. I had to have diagnostic tests and ultrasounds. Lumps are benign. Still caused major fear and stress. Whew! Glad that is over...

3rd - As I stated previously I have E- Coli. This has caused so many different little annoyances. The meds are working and I am on the mend.

4th - Symptoms of Menopause - I have been having night sweats, hot flashes and overall ick. (added to the never ending period!!) This has caused a lot of added issues for the Dr. to weed through to try to figure out what is going on.

I head to the surgeon at the end of the month. Hopefully we will get some clear direction and timeline at that time. Thank goodness my family is supportive, loving and patient!

Girls Weekend

I am off for the Girls Weekend with my wonderful friends from work. Really, this could not come at a better and a worse time.

The good part of this is that I am really in need of some positive friend interaction. After the stress with my other friend, I need this. I am looking forward to some laid back laughs with the girls. This is a very eclectic group, too. I think it makes it all the more fun. We will range in age from 26 to 41. Two of us are the oldies at 41. We are all married. Three of us have kids and two do not. All of us taught together this past year. Not once did we have any ill will or stress between us. It was really a fantastic year. I am looking forward to this short little trip tremendously.

The bad part is that we return Sunday night. We are heading to Disney Monday morning. I have been trying to get as much together for our trip as possible. Jerry will take the kids to a family party on Saturday. I am hoping he will complete the short "Honey Do" list I am leaving before I get home on Sunday. It would be a terrific help. Really, it isn't that much... but for him, flying solo with our three miracles and a list.. that can be alot. Women have no problem doing this but men... well at least for my man... it is a lot. I am keeping my fingers crossed!

I don't know if I will be able to post again before heading out on our great Disney adventure... but I will try.

Yeah!! Girls Weekend is HERE!!!!

Big Success

I was in charge of planning our school-wide spaghetti dinner. I have spent many, many hours over the past two months getting this thing organized. I did everything for this event. We even presold tickets. So, going in to the dinner last night we had sold 174 meals. My principal said she thought we may end up with about 250 total. In our initial conversations she had said to plan for 300. I planned for 450. (I had this big fear of running out of food.)

Sooo... from about 10 minutes before we were due to start serving the line started. It was unbelieveable!! The line was so long. I couldn't believe it. We, literally served food non-stop up until the time of the scheduled ending of the dinner. It ws crazy! I could not wait to find out how many meals we served and how much money we raised. I was inside the kitchen all night so I had no way of knowing how sales were going. I just had to try to guess based on the line.


Our grand total was: 385 meals!! We raised over $1600!!! I can't believe it!!! Never in a million years did I think that would happen. A nice extra, also, was that I planned for over 400 people so all of the volunteers got to eat for free at the end of the night! We ended up serving 35 volunteers, too.

The sales and money were exciting, but I have to tell you the most thrilling part of the entire event. Everytime I asked someone to help with something last night... even the yucky tasks like washing dishes and sweeping... everyone, I mean EVERYONE stepped up happily and willingly to help. I couldn't believe it. No one ran for cover when they saw me approach. No one complained. Everyone was positive and perky... ready and willing. It was fantastic!!

I have never planned something like this before. Honestly, it is a ton of work. I am so relieved and happy. It was a huge success... and to think that I did this is amazing. As silly as it sounds, I am proud of myself.

P.S.
I never want to eat spaghetti again in my life!! hahaha.... That stuff causes insurmountable stress!!!

Sisters to the Rescue!

Jerry and I have been on a mad hunt for baby sitters. We...meaning Jerry.. weren't comfortable with using high school students. So.... we were really at a bad spot. When my parents aren't available we didn't have a sitter. This was not fun.

Now, I am the VP of the Corporation Board for AOII at USF. I have been in this position for three years... though it has not required me to have a lot of contact on a regular basis with the collegiates... it has allowed me to help from home as needed. I have recently taken on more responsibility and I LOVE it!

Moving on....

So, I fired off an email to the Property Manager at the house. I asked her if she thought any of sisters would be interested in babysitting.

Are you ready.....

-within 24 hours I had 4 responses!! YIPEE!!!! One sister is even going to sit this Saturday night! Woohooo!!!

I have to tell you... what a great feeling to know my sisters are there for me and my family. There is a comfort in knowing a sister will be staying with my children. I know they will be in good hands.

When I went away to college I never imagined myself in a fraternal organization. Heck, I went through Rush just to keep a friend company who wanted to join a sorority. I ended up joining and she ended up dropping out!!

Now, still.... I love AOII. It has brought me friendships, support, encouragement and confidence. I can be out to dinner with my family wearing my letters and be approached by another sister. The bond is instant. The bond is real and true.

My sisters are there for me... and I am there for them. What a gift!

The Story Continues

Well, my friend from HS, I learned, was involved in some very hurtful conversations about me. She had heard someone accuse me of saying something I WOULD NEVER, EVER say in my life. She didn't stand up for me. She didn't ask any questions. She didn't even tell me this conversation occured. She did participate in spreading this story around.

Over the next two months when my husband and I would arrive at these gatherings of "friends" he was greeted and treated kindly. I was treated like an exile.. like I had the plague. I didn't know why. I had no clue what was happening. After feeling VERY uncomfortable and VERY unwelcome I told my husband I was not going to another gathering. He didn't understand. He asked me to go to just one more... to see what happened. So I did. This was a good and a bad thing.

We went to the gathering. The icy cold reception was blatantly obvious. My husband and I left within minutes.

The next day our phone rang. Another woman from our group of friends called me. She told me that when we left the party.. the group that had been so cool to me.... cheered. They literally cheered when we left. She asked them why. They then told her that someone said I had said something terrible. This person told them that I would NEVER say anything like that. She told them that I was not the kind of person who would do that. She asked them where they heard such a thing. It seems it was all second, third and fourth hand information. A true someone had told someone else who told someone else kind of thing. My "friend" from high school never defended me. She never questioned the person who told her this story and she NEVER told me what was going on.

To say I was hurt is an understatement.


Well, I decided to never spend time with these people again. I have stuck to that for 12 years.

The fact that someone who had been such a very close friend of so long didn't defend me.. changed my ability to make and trust friends. I spent many years keeping a distance from people... not wanting to get hurt again. Not letting anyone get too close.

A year and a half ago we moved into our new home. We met new families. Slowly I have started to allow myself to make friends with our neighbors. This has not been easy. I had to do this though. I had to try again.

A few months ago we received an invitation to a party for one of the men from this group. This same group that we have had NO contact with for over a decade. We declined the invitation.


This past Saturday we walked into a surprise birthday party for a friend. As we entered the door.... my "friend" from HS was there with her husband and another couple from the group. I wanted to walk out the door.... but I didn't. I said hello and moved on.

The rest of the night a few little questions were asked by my former friend... and I answered politely... but cooly. When we left the party.... I cried. It all came flooding back to me... but this time was different.


These are the things I learned.

1. I don't have to be friends with anyone I don't want to.
2. I can go to a social gathering where people who have hurt me are... and still be okay.
3. I can't hold others up to my expectations of myself... but I CAN decide these are not the people I have to spend time with.
4. I can make friends again.
5. I am a strong person who likes other strong people.
6. My friend was a childhood friend. Growing apart and moving on is normal.
7. I can be sad that something bad happened and not have it haunt me forever.
8. I deserve more.

So...this week has been full of signs that I am in a good place.

Three friends have called and invited us to do things in the next week.

I called a friend for a visit.

My co-worker called and invited me out to lunch.


I can actually have healthy, normal relationships with others and trust again. I can also walk away from hurt and not feel compelled to go back. I worried about that one. I am strong enough to be polite and not get sucked back into the drama.

That is my story.

This is more of a therapeutic post. It is one of those things that I just need to "talk" about in order to try to figure things out. This is a long story, so I won't be offended if no one reads beyond this first paragraph. It is a true story. One that still effects my ability to trust and have riends to this day.

In 1981 I entered high school. I attended a small Catholic high school. About 70% of my class all went to elementary and middle school together. We knew each other well. I wanted to meet new people... really experience high school so that it would be different from middle and elementary school. The first week of school I met this very shy girl. She was very sweet and kind. She had a sense of humor few would be lucky enough to get to know. I really liked this girl. We became fast friends. I think she liked me for my outgoing, wacky ways as much as I liked her for her reflective ways. We were an odd pair, but it worked. We remained best friends all through high school.

As we entered our college years I went away to school. She stayed home and attended the local community college. We spent our vacations together. We still remained close even though we only saw each other when I was home from school. I joined AOII and made new friends. Yet, my HS friend and I remained close.

After college I got married. A year later my friend got married. Our husbands became friends. We felt so lucky that our lives had grown and changed in so many ways yet our friendship was still strong.

A few years later our circle of friends grew to about 8 couples. Nonetof us had kids. We spent at least one weekend night each week together. These were such fun and crazy times. What a crazy bunch we were.

Then something happened.

This was almost 12 years ago... but I remember it still so well. I still am hurt. It changed EVERYTHING. It changed me. It changed my ability to trust. It changed my self confidence. It taught me to be cautious. It taught me to think. It taught me alot about friendship and expectations.


I will continue this story soon.......