July 13th

This past month there were rumors swirling EVERYWHERE of possible cut-off dates. It all began with the all of July in July. That didn't seem likely, but BOY I loved the sound of it. Then came the July 13th rumor. It was deflating. Then we all heard about July 20th or even the 22nd. Someone even mentioned July 27th. I was guarding my heart. Could these later dates even be possible???

Well, July 13th is the date. YUCK!! I am happy referrals are on their way, but I feel NO closer to seeing my baby's face this month than I did last month. I know that may seem odd.... I mean, progress is progress... but with this August 24th LID, it could still be October or worse. Okay, may not worse but October.... I just keep thinking each month it will get better... things will pick up.... a feeling of progress will happen. Nothing, nada, zilch, zero... this feels like no progress at all.

I feel like I really don't have the right to feel this way. I think about the people who have July 14th LID's. They were so close yet must sit and wait another month. The scary thing is that no one has any clue who will be included next. You can safely say July 14th... but after that there is no way of knowing. CCAA could do only 5 days again like they did a few months ago. They could do an entire month. They could do... who knows. Never in a million years did I think this wait would be so torterous.

Last time the wait was difficult. This time... difficult isn't a strong enough word. I can't even bring myself to really prepare for baby because WHO KNOWS???? I keep thinking as I watch the ages of babies referred each month I am getting a better idea of what to expect. -but gosh, who knows. I actually dreamed that we were referred a 6 year old!! Our family has miracles happen with our c hildren. We know this. Heck, I think I would just like this miracle to be a perfect little baby girl... but with our track record, who knows.

Waiting for baby.... is not fun.

Come on August!! We need BIG numbers!!!