Girls Weekend

I am off for the Girls Weekend with my wonderful friends from work. Really, this could not come at a better and a worse time.

The good part of this is that I am really in need of some positive friend interaction. After the stress with my other friend, I need this. I am looking forward to some laid back laughs with the girls. This is a very eclectic group, too. I think it makes it all the more fun. We will range in age from 26 to 41. Two of us are the oldies at 41. We are all married. Three of us have kids and two do not. All of us taught together this past year. Not once did we have any ill will or stress between us. It was really a fantastic year. I am looking forward to this short little trip tremendously.

The bad part is that we return Sunday night. We are heading to Disney Monday morning. I have been trying to get as much together for our trip as possible. Jerry will take the kids to a family party on Saturday. I am hoping he will complete the short "Honey Do" list I am leaving before I get home on Sunday. It would be a terrific help. Really, it isn't that much... but for him, flying solo with our three miracles and a list.. that can be alot. Women have no problem doing this but men... well at least for my man... it is a lot. I am keeping my fingers crossed!

I don't know if I will be able to post again before heading out on our great Disney adventure... but I will try.

Yeah!! Girls Weekend is HERE!!!!

Unrecognizable, Incomprehensible

I wrote not long ago about my friend. I have been twisted in knots over her struggles. It is a difficult place to be. You want to be there for someone struggling yet you need to protect your children, your family first.

I had decided to just call once a week or so to check in.... to keep the lines of communication open.

I have changed my mind.

This friend is someone that I have spoken with almost daily for years. She can just breath into the phone and I know it is her. We just know each others voices well.

I called her yesterday. First, I called her home phone and there was no answer. This was at about 5:15 pm. She is home by 4:30-5:00 each day from work... well, when she goes to work that is. When she didn't answer her home phone I called her cell phone. She answered.

Well, she answered but I could barely understand anything she said. She had no clue who I was. I was shocked. I was actually talking.. not just a "Hey!" into the phone. I was talking in complete sentences, saying her name and then my name. She had no clue who I was. She kept rambling on for a while until I finally understood bits and pieces of what she was saying.

She said she had been sleeping. (NO way.. she was certainly "on" something. This was not groggy talk.)

She said her father was having a stint put in on Tuesday. (Wrong again! Last Tuesday the doctors were unsuccessful in their attempt to put in a stint. He was being moved to a rehab facility until her mother decides whether or not to transfer him out of state for medical assistance.)

She said that she had just mowed her lawn. (Ummm... in a torrential downpour? In the 45 minutes she had been home from work AND took a nap? No chance.)

I have to walk away.

I am going to call her one final time. I am going to tell her that if she needs me, to call. I am going to tell her that I love her. I am going to hang up the phone and cry. And then I am going to hug and kiss my babies.

I really do not want to do this. I don't want to walk away from my "sister" but I can not do this to myself or my family. My 11 year old is old enough to know something is wrong. My children love my friend. I can't allow them to watch her crumble.

I feel a twinge of guilt... but I know I am doing the right thing.


Sometimes doing what is right stinks and is painful and comes with pieces of guilt, but it is still right.

Getting Ready

We are slowly but surely getting ready for our big trip to Disney World. We are going to spend a week taking in the sun and fun. We will be staying at the Saratoga Springs Resort and Spa. This is where we are members of the Disney Vacation Club. (Best money we have spent in a long time...)

Jerry and I used to take in all things Disney prior to having kids. We would spend the weekend in O'Town every chance we got. We have always enjoyed the Disney experience... though we know not everyone enjoys it like we do. We have continued this each year as our family grew. Riley went to Disney about 6 weeks after arriving home from China. Madeline's first trip was about 3 months later.

We have spent the first week of July at Disney several times. It is always so much fun. Is there anything more American than Disney? (I know, baseball, apple pie and Mom.. but you get my drift.) Celebrating the 4th there is just so different. We love it. There are cookouts by the pools, amazing fireworks displays, red, white and blue EVERYWHERE! We love it.

So, we have been booking activities to fill our time. We will probably go to the parks 3 days. We will celebrate the 4th at a Luau at the Polynesian Resort. We will do the Ohana character breakfast, too on another day. We will probably take in some miniature golfing, swim a ton and just bum around the Disney property. Our resort has movie nights outside which we will enjoy. We may even take the boys horseback riding.

Our preparations are a little different now that we belong to the Vacation Club. We will be bringing breakfast and lunch stuff with us since our room has a full kitchen. We are going to splurge on dinners since breakfast and lunch will be on the cheap. I have started to shop and collect all of the "stuff" we will need. I have several bags of food and such in the dining room.

One of the organizational things I am facing is that I will be gone away on a girls weekend the three days before we leave. I have to be ready before I go with the girls or else I will be in deep doo doo! HA! I am hoping to be 90% packed and just do some last minute laundry the night before we leave. Crossing fingers here.

So, those of you who know me well, know I am in full list making mode. I have lists for my lists.. truly I do. I am an obsessive list maker. I have a food list. I have individual lists for each child divided into different categories such as tops, bottoms, unmentionables, toys, pjs, etc with quantities and exact outfits I plan to pack. I have a toiletries list... also organized by person. I have a list of comfort items for each child. I have a list of electronics. I could go on and on but then you would KNOW I am more than a little OCD.

I can't wait to take a million pictures of my children laughing, playing , swimming, sunning. I can't wait to sit by the pool with my book. I am just looking forward to an uninterrupted week of family time. That is really what it is all about. Spending time with "just us". That is what makes our vacations the best.

A Lump

One of my babies has a lump. The lump is located on the left side of the neck behind the ear, but lower. It is much larger than you would find at a gland. It is not an infection. It is not a cyst. It is about the size of a marble. It can be moved around, a little, but causes mild pain/discomfort.

The doctor said the good news is that it has not metastasized. It hurts me just to type that word. I thought I would throw up when the doctor said it. That is one of those words that a mother NEVER wants to hear when referred to her child.

The doctor has started running all types of blood work tests. Initial infection tests were negative. White blood cell counts were within the normal range. The doctor wants this done again. The doctor said we will run more tests. He said it could be an anomaly. He said we will continue to pick away at what this could be. He was not visibly worried.

So we wait.

I believe with all of my heart that my child will be fine. I believe this is an anomaly. Strange things happen to children. I can not even begin to imagine anything else. I won't allow my brain to go there.

Exodus 15:26

26 He said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you."

Proverbs 4:22

22For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.

Contemplation

I have been deep in thought lately on a variety of subjects. There is just a lot of thinking going on here... and that is never a good thing!


One of the topics that has kept my mind whirling while awake and permeated my dreams at night has to do with a friend of mine. I met this friend back in 1985 when I first went away to college. We hit it off instantly. We became the best of friends as pledge sisters. We made each other laugh until our sides hurt. Heck, she went on my first date with my husband with me.

Over the years we touched base here and there. We would go through spurts of time when we would spend time together and then we would move apart. I have thought long and hard about this.

The times we spent apart were usually her times of challenge. She made some decisions that really have caused her life today to be what it is... and not in a good way.

She tried being a foster parent. She had an amazing little girl whom she loved very much. We spent a lot of time together during this time.... until... she started "dating" the little girl's father. This was wrong on so many levels. First, ethically, it was a huge conflict of interest. This little girl was removed from her father's care by the court. He was not to be spending time with his child during this time... yet he spent countless hours at my friends' home. He romanced her. He professed deep feelings for her. He pulled her in close and then dropped the hammer. He got his daughter back and pushed my friend away. He had never really cared about her. He used her as a means to get to his daughter. It was gut wrenching to watch. She spiraled down and I don't think she has ever fully recovered.

This started a long period of distance between us. I tried valiantly to stay close.. but she just made many excuses and explanations as to why she couldn't talk or see me. She was hurting and she wouldn't let me... or anyone else in.

A few years later I was still trying to maintain some semblence of contact. My friend's mood changed. She seemed more happy. I could tell something was going on. Somehow, deep inside, I knew she was seeing someone... a woman. My friend took 2 years before she was honest with me about who she was seeing. I think I have always thought that the hurt she experienced previously caused her to not trust a man again. It also caused her to have little to no faith in herself as a worthy companion.

My friend eventually allowed my husband and I to meet her girlfriend. At first we really liked her. We thought she was supportive and kind and caring. As we got to know her over the next few years a different view came to light. This woman came from a very abusive and neglected childhood. She was not a faithful partner to my friend. She cheated on her more than once. She lied and stole from my friend. Eventually, it got to the point where my friend became an emotional wreck. It was horrible.

One year ago this week, my friends' partner of 6 + years moved out. She moved in with her new girlfriend. She took furniture. She took money. She took the last bit of strength my friend possessed.

6 months later my friend was involuntarily committed. (You have no idea how difficult this is to write.) Her ex-girlfriend drove her to the hospital and then called me. Never in a million years did I expect to talk to this woman again, much less to have her tell me my friend was in a psychiatric ward of a hospital.

The next day I went and visited my friend. I could not believe I was there... checking in my purse... going through multiple locked doors. It was unsettling. My friend was surprised to see me... yet not surprised at all. I was instantly glad I went. I visited her regularly during her time hospitalized.

Almost 2 months after being released from the hospital I received a text message from my friend. It asked what I was doing. I said something like.. just enjoying some down time. I asked her what she was doing. She was driving herself back to the hospital. She had spent the previous 48 hours doing some major drugs. In our 23 years as friends I had never seen or heard of her doing any drugs... much less the ones she said she had done. She asked me to call her mother and tell her that her daughter was being committed again. What a difficult call to make.

This time I visited my friend only once. I had to talk to her face to face while IN the hospital. I told her something that I never thought I would ever say. I told her that she could not come around my family if drugs were in her life. I told her I loved her. I told her I missed her. I told her that I could not and would not endanger or expose my children to this. I hugged her and walked away.

I still speak to my friend a few times a week. She is home. She is struggling. In no way, shape or form do I think she is out of the woods. I think she will either end up hospitalized again, dead or homeless.

I don't know what to do from this point on.

-I had another friend about 16 years ago who committed suicide. I still struggle today with this. I don't want to lose another friend.

Part of me wants to distance myself emotionally from my friend. The other part of me needs to keep in contact.

I can't be responsible for her choices. I can't prevent her from doing things. I just can't walk away either.

I don't know if staying in contact is doing any good at all. I dream about my friend often. I worry when she doesn't answer her phone or respond to a text message. I am the ONLY friend in her life right now who has been around longer than 6 months. I am the ONLY friend in her life right now that she didn't meet while drunk in a bar.

I can't allow her to be around my family.

I just don't know what to do.

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

~Judy Garland


When written in Chinese the word "crisis" is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity.

~John F. Kennedy, address, 12 April 1959



To have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have suffered.

~Oscar Wilde


A mother who is really a mother is never free.

~Honore de Balzac

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.

~A Midsummer Night's Dream, 5. 1

First Week of Summer Break

Well, the first week of summer break was just what the doctor ordered. James went to football camp with three of his friends for the week. Jerry drove the boys to and from camp. He said the conversations between them was hilarious. They just loved spending time with each other.

Riley and Madeline spent their week home with me. On Tuesday we went to the free movie at the mall. We saw Alvin and the Chipmunks. This was Madeline's first foray into a movie theater. She did great. I think it helped that she got to hold the popcorn. Girlfriend is happy when she is in control of the food!! Riley laughed out loud several times during the flick. It is just the most endearing thing... listening and watching him just so happy. On Wednesday we visited Nana and Grampy during the day. We spent time destroying their home before going to lunch at Chick-fil-A. On Friday we picked up a gift for Nana and Grampy to celebrate their anniversary. It was so nice to stop by and drop off a surprise. They love spending time with the little ones and the little ones ADORE them.

Friday night James went to a sleep over at a friends' house. (This is one of the boys who went to football camp for the week, too.) He thought he was one cool cat being out and about, away from his family all week. The rest of us joined our neighbors and friends, the Edwards, for a dinner out. It was a really laid back and fun time.

On Saturday we ran a million errands. We spent time here, there and everywhere. The day really flew by.

Sunday was, of course, Father's Day. Jerry woke up to kisses from his kids and a gift. He was very pleased. We then went to brunch. After brunch we were off to the Rays game. It was so much fun. The game fell right during nap time so Madeline hit a wall in about the 6th inning. I took her out under the stadium to rocked her on a bench until she fell asleep. This allowed Jerry the opportunity to watch the remainder of the game with the boys. The Marlins beat the Rays, but it was still a great family experience.

After the game we visited with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Tim briefly. They live close to the stadium so we thought we would stop by. We then headed to my parent's home to share some Father's Day time with Grampy. Whew!! It was a busy day!!

I don't know if we can keep this same pace up for the entire summer.... but for a first week, it was great.

I soooooo love being home with the kids!!!

Tonight

Part Deux

Disney's West Side at sunset.

Ready to hit the pool.

Yes, I am adorable. No, I didn't do it.

Madeline's first time miniature golfing! What a pro!!

Three Bugs in a Rug

Can you say.... this gave Mom a heart attack??
Where we met.... 22 years ago.. It was knocked down the next day. :-(

James kicking some booty on the field.

Multitasking Mama

Not a delicate flower.....

Pics -a - Palooza

My Three Miracles....

Saratoga Spring - Disney Fun!

Best Friends at 5th Grade Ceremony

Look at those smiles!!! My babies are growing up!

James' Harley Fun!

Look at me!! I think I am allllll that!

Riley has the need for speed!!

James during a football game. (Obvious, huh?)

School concert sibling love!

5th Grade Friends! What fun!

All County Chorus

Riley, Madeline and Ava... cruising the hood.



Well, the long overdue time has come for me to upload pictures of our adventures. Life has been crazy, busy and full of laughs and love. This may take a few posts to accomplish, but hopefully it will be worth it.

The kids are growing and changing daily. It is such a blessing to watch them master new skills, climb to greater heights.... cause more of their mother's hair to turn gray... and their father's to disappear! They keep Jerry and I on our toes and happier than we could have ever imagined. We live in awe each and every day.

Enjoy!

Summer is Here!

I can't believe it! Summer is here. Friday was my last day at work until August. I am so happy. I love being home with my children. It is when I fell the most "normal". Normal does not come easily for me, so this is a big deal.

Today James headed off to football camp at Jerry's high school for the week. He was so excited. He is being joined by three friends from the neighborhood, too. They are going to have a blast. All four boys love playing football. They all love being together, too. I think they are going to love every minute.

I am home with the two little ones this week. It is so neat whenever the group dynamics change. You just see a different side of them when you have them in different groupings. It is neat. Riley and Madeline currently have a love/hate relationship. They bounce back and forth from laughing to fighting. Generally, Madeline has taken something of Riley's or decided to hit or kick him to get a reaction from him only for him to eventually retailate by holding her down to stop her. This then brings about screams of discontent. Now, two minutes later the two will be laughing and playing and chasing and smiling. They give each other hugs and kisses. Siblings to the core, these two are. (That sentence was rather Yoda-ess, don't ya think?)

We bought a Wii this weekend. It was a combo. Jerry's birthday and James' leaving elementary school gift. Oh my GOSH!! It is so much fun. The boys played for over three hours straight yesterday. They were actually sweating! Jerry and James played golf last night and were laughing out loud. It was so fun to watch them. I like that the kids are active. No one is sitting around being lazy. Super fun!

I have a ton of pictures taken over the last week or so. I am going to work on posting some during nap times this week. The kids are growing and changing so fast!

I am loving every minute.

Women Over 40

One of my AOII sisters posted this. I instantly fell in love with Andy Rooney. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
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In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40


As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?'
She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with y ou at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her!
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.
Ladies, I a pologize. For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

Touching Base

The kids last day of school was yesterday. My last day is tomorrow.


WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!


I am so ready to be home with my babies!!!