The Unknown

Well, I am sitting here wondering what this next week will hold for us. It seems there is a 50/50 chance we will be included in this next batch of referrals. Many people all over the world are sitting at their computers right now watching the China Center of Adoption Affairs website for an update. Tonight has a very good chance of being the night when the site changes. I have debated with myself whether to stay up and hit the refresh button all night long, but just can't do that to myself.

So.. I will soon be heading to bed. You see, no matter what happens tonight, I can't change the outcome. My staying up or going to bed is not going influence CCAA to make sure our referral is lovingly tucked in the envelope sent to our agency. Yes, I am hoping and praying that this is our month... but honestly, it is out of my hands.

I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for so long with this adoption. Regardless of whether our number is up... we will see our baby soon. If our referral is not in the batch, then it will be in next month. That is really pretty much a guarantee.

I want to see my baby now, and another month will be tortureous... but I just have to stop putting myself through all of the unnecesary stress. I just have to live today and know that this process is something I can't control.

Who knows...maybe in a few days a beautiful baby picture will grace this page. If not, it will be there in a few weeks. After almost 14 months since our dossier was logged in... I guess I can wait one more month if I have to.

Madeline, I love you. Daddy and James and Riley love you too. We have not seen your face yet. We don't know how old you are. All we know is that somewhere right now you are waiting for us just as we are waiting for you. We will be there just as soon as China says we can come.


Baby of my dreams
dark hair and eyes
Loved from afar
by old and young
Feel our love sent
through kisses in the wind
Know that life has
the greatest gift of all
a family afar
loving you

M