Thinking Alot

Lately, I have been thinking ALOT. I mean a real lot. I have been thinking so much I am having difficulty thinking. I don't know. I really think it has to do with being so close to receiving our referral and having so many strange, strange things happen in my life lately.

We could be three to four weeks a way from seeing Miss Madeline's face right now. A China Adoption Forcast site is projecting we will receive our referral in about 3 weeks. Statistically that is their best guess. That is exactly what I am hoping for. The thought of waiting until November is just too much. It is actually stressful. If we have to wait that long it is going to cost us quite a bit of money since our I171H will need to be renewed. I have actually begun to consider trying to sell the last of the Adoption Cookbooks I participated in a year ago. I have probably 20 left. If I could sell them... for just cost... it would help.

I was really counting on having tip money from working at the stadium this season. I was planning on putting $1000 towards orphange fees away through tips. I have already put $510 away so it was really "doable". Now that won't happen. A very frustrating thing happened. The person who I have worked with for the past 10 years at the stadium has really started to do some shady things. So much so that I can not work with her anymore. I have seen what looks like stealing going on, though I have no proof. In order to continue working at the stadium I would have to continue working with her. I can't do that. I just can't. I will not put myself in the situation of being affiliated with someone who is possibly stealing. I feel like I need to RUN in the other direction. So... there goes the rest of the tip money towards the donation. Frustrating...but necessary.

I am so worried that these two stupid issues may mean we have to leave the boys home. I just can't wrap my brain around the idea that we would go back to China and not take Riley. Heck! That is his homeland. How could I ever do that???

Last year when we had all of the tragedy over those three months, we cut into our adoption funds by about $5000. I have been working trying to save that money back AND save the money we knew we had to put away prior to travel in order to take the boys. Somehow it just has to work out.

I wish I had a magic wand to make all of this just work out the way I WANT IT TO! I know that isn't possible. I know I am probably much more aware and sensitive since we are just so damn close. I know it is all so completely out of my hands...... it just has to work out so we can bring Miss M home.

I have not been sleeping well with all of this rambling on and on in my head. I am one of those people who, literally, thinks too much. I can stay awake for days thinking and worrying. I have to get to the point where I let it go and let it work itself out. Maybe just by writing this it will be therapeutic enough to allow me to put a piece of this out of my head and hands for the time being.

Okay.... two down posts in a row. YIKES!!


On a more chipper note - I bought a ceiling fan for Madeline's room tonight. One more thing off of one of my MANY lists. It is really going to look great.

Riley is going to be a firefighter for Halloween. He is so excited! Today he was recognized at school as the Student of the Month. He was so proud! He received a certificate, two little gift certificates and a toy. His picture will be on the school website throughout the month of October. He strutted his cute little self up there and accepted his award. I was weepy. I am so proud of him. He is a true miracle and blessing. It was just such a fantastic thing to witness.

James has been moved into 5th grade Reading and Math! WOW!! We are just so shocked. He is actually in the accelerated 5th grade Math and he is only a 4th grader! He is the only 4th grader in the Reading class he goes to. His teacher didn't have a group high enough for him. Boy!! He is certainly smarter than his parents. (Don't tell him I said that!) The change of schools has just been so good for him. He is happier than ever before and just so much more happy and comfortable.

Jerry and I are just so lucky.