Venting, Rambling and Remembering

First I want to take a moment to remember this very sad and important date. On September 11, 2001 all of our lives changed. There was an undeniable shift in our lives that is permanent. One can't help but to relive the horror of that day. I have thought a lot about going through 9/11 with my class of 5th graders. President Bush was just a few miles south of us. A parent told me that a plane had flown into a tower at the World Trade Center. She was crying. I turned on the television and could not believe my eyes. Within a minute we witnessed the second plane hitting the second tower. That was it. Life changed. We watched and worked... knowing that we were watching the history of our country write a new and terrible chapter. It was a horrible day. I remember first hearing that the Pentagon was on fire. This was probably more upsetting to me than the twin towers because my sister is an electrical engineer. She had been working a few days a week for several years on the Pentagon renovations. She was the electrical engineer who designed the new electrical system. There was a very real possibilty she was at the Pentagon.

I couldn't reach her by phone, of course. Cell phone service, that day, was spotty at best. It took several hours before I finally reached my sister. She was home.... she had not gone in to work that day. The relief... was immense. I then felt guilt. As crazy at it sounds... to know my family was okay made me feel so guilty. I can remember the emotions of 9/11 so vividly.

It was later that evening when I learned my brother-in-law had a sister in the second tower that day. My parents had the child of their next door neigbor in the first tower and my cousin was running late for an appointment at the World Trade Center that day. Cindy was in the second tower, evacuating after the first tower was hit when the second plane attacked. She was thrown against a wall, hurting her shoulder and back. She continued down the stairs. She got out of the second tower in time. She walked for hours until she found a place to stay. She was stuck in the city for a few days until another family member could get to her from Pennsylvania. It took over two weeks before she was able to get home to Florida. My parent's neighbor's son was a police officer in the city. He had been moved uptown the week before or he would have been at the World Trade Center that day. My cousin was held at the airport since planes had been hijacked. He didn't know what was happening at that point.

Everyone we knew lived. How did we get so lucky?? Well, if you ask them, they weren't the lucky ones. They still carry the scars of that day. Cindy has changed in ways that no one who has not experienced what she did could ever understand. She has talked about the force of the plane on the building being so strong and powerful. She has talked about exiting the building with debris and people falling to the ground around her. Horror.

I don't know what tomorrow brings.. I just know that we must always remember how horrific 9/11 was. We need to preserve and learn from these memories.

How I have changed

I don't know if I have changed for the better, but I have changed. I am much more willing to face my problems head on instead of letting my emotions grow. I am not willing to let things fester and grow to the point of an explosive confrontation.

I am much more forthright. I speak my thoughts. I explain my feelings. I now, ask people to stop and listen to what I am saying. I was much more willing to just be hurt and mad before 9/11.

I think I value individual beliefs more now. A big part of me changed how I look at people I don't know. This is a very good thing.

I don't know if I would have adopted Riley if 9/11 had not happened. I decided that we have to live each and every day of our lives... not wait. We have to face our personal challenges and climb the mountains in front of us.

9/11 has made me a better person. It is always there... inside me... thanking God for sparing those I know and love and hoping some peace and comfort come to the families of the victims. I see the future with hope for a more worldly acceptance of all people. I see the future with eyes of hurt, knowing that somewhere, someone who has never met me, hates me because I call the United States of America my home. I would live no where else. It is truly the greatest nation on Earth.

May those that live their lives with hate, learn love.