Boys

As the mother of a son from China so many thoughts and concerns run through my thoughts.

I was on a website where boy referrals were/are being discussed. There have been several people who have made statements that they would turn down the referral for a son if they received it from CCAA. They have made comments like they would be crushed and suspect that they would have to decline the referral because they picked China for the likelyhood of a girl among other reasons.and "that they know this is HORRIBLE, but they WOULD NOT ACCEPT A REFERRAL FOR A BOY!!

Those are such harsh statements. There were so many more, too. I really do not understand. Another thing that has been said over and over is that people chose China due to the gender discrimination. Isn't that what THEY are doing by stating that they would NEVER accept a referral for a boy? What is the difference? I honestly don't see it.

Boys from China have such a hard road. They have issues they will face that the girls do not. Being that boys are favored, these little guys will have to face that they were abandoned even as the favored gender. They face the constant question/expectation that they must be special needs. They do not have the plethora of resources and readings to tell their stories as the girls do. They go to FCC meetings and clearly see they are the minority. Heck, it is next to impossible to get support organizations to use the words "children" and "girls and boys" when addressing the plight of the abandoned Chinese children.

There is not a book about the lost sons of China. Statements like they began this adoption with the desire to parent and nurture a little girl that was abandoned because she was a girl. They had so much love and desire to nurture the feminine that they felt that adoption from China was the way for them to do this are frustrating. ALL children are worthy of a family. ALL orphans... and YES, I despise the word orphans, are worthy of a full and rich life. I absolutely can not bear to think about what would have happened to Riley if he has been referred to a different family.

His unexpected and unrequested referral was an overwhelming blessing. He is just as deserving. It pains me when other families who have adopted from China ask us, IN FRONT OF HIM, what his Special Need is... or why we requested a boy... or say that they would not accept a referral for a boy. These and so many more comments have been made in front of my son.

For so many years we have fought for equality. EQUALITY!! Racial equality, gender equality... those adopting are generally intelligent and knowledgeable.. yet... so many make grand proclamations of right and wrong about China and girl abandonment.. but say they would do the same.... deny a child due to gender.

My children... ALL of my children are tremendous miracles. They are pure and kind, loving and strong and deserving of acceptance and love regardless of their chromosomal make up.

This is probably one of the most painful topics that has come around again and again since we adopted Riley. I love him so much and can not fathom turning him away.