Thinking about James

I am a blogaholic. I love reading blogs. I was reading a blog I have followed for a while. The aautho is struggling with the realization that adding a child to their family was at a roadblock, a standstill. This family can not have biological children. They have one daughter adopted from China.. and the China road to adoption right now is not available to them. They had considered fostering to adopt, but that is now not going to happen either. This all got me thinking.

James is our biological child. We tried for 6 years to get pregnant on our own to no avail. We were both relatively healthy, young and neither side of our family had ever experienced fertility issues. People would tell us to relax and it would happen. They would say we were crazy to think of pursuing advice from a fertility specialist. They really didn't understand.

So, we began the round of medical visits. When we finally got to the fertility specialist tests were run. I will never forget the Dr. sitting us down and saying we had a 1 in 100 million chance of conceiving naturally. I was in shock. I was confused. I was also.. a little relieved. Strange, huh? It was somewhat comforting to know that something was actually wrong and it just wasn't that we weren't relaxing!! We spent a few days just talking... trying to figure out our next step. Against medical advice we decided to start with Intrauterine Insemination instead of IVF. I had a procedure done to check my tubes right before we started.. so all was clear on my end. Our first attempt with IUI worked. We got pregnant...against all odds. I ended up spending over 30 days in my first trimester on bedrest. It was tough. It was frustrating. I felt healthy, but my body just didn't like being pregnant.

The rest of the pregnancy was rather uneventful. I delivered a healthy 8 lb. 7oz son almost 3 weeks early.

So, a few years later we decided to try again. We did 4 IUI's - unsuccessful. We changed insurance carriers so we could try again. We then did 2 IUS's with heavy drugs. Lots of shots... not fun at all. I got pregnant in January of 2002. I had a tubal rupture in February of 2002.

Riley was born in January of 2002.


Life had a different plan for us. God needed to show us that pregnancy was not where are children were to come from. We had to have a BIG sign to show us that this was not our way.

So... biology worked for us... once. James is everything and more than we could have dreamed of. He is also, probably, the best big brother around. He has accepted his siblings with an open and loving heart.

This family I read about, struggling to add to their family, in some ways, reminds me of my family. Our struggles may be different but the desire to have children.. more children is the same. The frustration that this one act... an act done out of love... could be so difficult can be overwhelming.

I hope they find the peace we have found. I hope they find the open door waiting for them after this last one closed. We couldn't see the end of the tunnel, but found our way along the path to our family. The one that we were always meant to have.