Unrecognizable, Incomprehensible

I wrote not long ago about my friend. I have been twisted in knots over her struggles. It is a difficult place to be. You want to be there for someone struggling yet you need to protect your children, your family first.

I had decided to just call once a week or so to check in.... to keep the lines of communication open.

I have changed my mind.

This friend is someone that I have spoken with almost daily for years. She can just breath into the phone and I know it is her. We just know each others voices well.

I called her yesterday. First, I called her home phone and there was no answer. This was at about 5:15 pm. She is home by 4:30-5:00 each day from work... well, when she goes to work that is. When she didn't answer her home phone I called her cell phone. She answered.

Well, she answered but I could barely understand anything she said. She had no clue who I was. I was shocked. I was actually talking.. not just a "Hey!" into the phone. I was talking in complete sentences, saying her name and then my name. She had no clue who I was. She kept rambling on for a while until I finally understood bits and pieces of what she was saying.

She said she had been sleeping. (NO way.. she was certainly "on" something. This was not groggy talk.)

She said her father was having a stint put in on Tuesday. (Wrong again! Last Tuesday the doctors were unsuccessful in their attempt to put in a stint. He was being moved to a rehab facility until her mother decides whether or not to transfer him out of state for medical assistance.)

She said that she had just mowed her lawn. (Ummm... in a torrential downpour? In the 45 minutes she had been home from work AND took a nap? No chance.)

I have to walk away.

I am going to call her one final time. I am going to tell her that if she needs me, to call. I am going to tell her that I love her. I am going to hang up the phone and cry. And then I am going to hug and kiss my babies.

I really do not want to do this. I don't want to walk away from my "sister" but I can not do this to myself or my family. My 11 year old is old enough to know something is wrong. My children love my friend. I can't allow them to watch her crumble.

I feel a twinge of guilt... but I know I am doing the right thing.


Sometimes doing what is right stinks and is painful and comes with pieces of guilt, but it is still right.