I have completed my first week back to work. I have to say... I was miserable. I am trying very hard to find the bright side. As crazy as this may sound, Monday was the best day. Maybe it was the easiest since the boys were with Madeline at my parents house. There was no school for students that day. It made for an easier attempt at a transition back into my class with a day to figure out what had gone on in my three month absence.
Tuesday through Friday were BAD. As the week progressed Madeline got more upset each morning. This made for a very stressful time for me. She has spent the weekend attached t co my hip and cries when she doesn't have me in her field of vision. She wakes up during naps and nighttime to make sure I am still here. It breaks my heart to see her struggling so.
DH and I have started to talk about different options for next school year. DH is hoping to receive a promotion over the summer. The pay raise would allow me to only work part time. I would try to find someone to job share with me. Job share would allow me to work only mornings or afternoons. Half days would be much better. I am also going to continue to look for other work options. Maybe I can find a position for less money where Madeline can be too. A new preschool is opening up in our neighborhood. I just don't know.
I know that this week just has to be better. I have 9 more work weeks until Summer Break. This is 10 weeks altogether. I just keep telling myself I have to make it to the end of the school year. I never thought this would be so difficult. I was home about 4 months when James was born. As terrible as this may sound, he was oblivious. I was home for 6 months with Riley. He turned three and went to school. He REALLY needed to get into school daily. He was so developmentally delayed... not to mention the language and articulation problems. He NEEDED instruction and services from people qualified to help him. Now, he is on target and ready to head off the Kindergarten in the fall.
Madeline is just not ready for me to be away from her. Maybe this week will be better. If not, then something is going to have to give. Jerry will be home with her the following week and then I am off for a week. If things are horrible... we will just have to figure something out. Madeline deserves it.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Interesting
O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng i! s taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !!
This was from the dirty disher. I thought this activity embraced my inner geek.
BooHoo
Back to work tomorrow. How can that be?? I am just so sad. I have loved each and every minute I have been home with Miss M. Where have the last three months gone to????
Tomorrow the boys and M will go to Nana's house for the day. The boys don't have school, but teachers have a planning day... so in to school I go. Nana will watch Madeline for two weeks. After that DH is home for a week. I have the week after that off for Spring Break. M won't have to go to the sitter until the second week of April... which is good.... but, I just want to stay home with her. I have spent the past three months trying to figure out a way to stay home and have an income. I just can't seem to find anything that will work.
I have decided I will continue to look for something during the remainder of the school year and through the summer. I am also thinking that many just a change of venue might help... maybe a change of career paths. I don't know. I have been teaching for 17 years. I enjoy my job... on some levels, but on others I feel this extreme need to move on. I don't know if it is just time or what. I just know that the past three years, teaching has become a job. In the past it has always been a joy. I can't put my finger on any one thing that has caused the change, but I have certainly changed.
Maybe getting back to work will help me to sort some of this out in my head. I know that it is going to really be much more difficult than ever before. I LOVE being a Mom. Mom and wife are the two best things in the world to me. They are what keep me human. They are what keep me sane. My family is.... just so much more than I ever imagined.
So... back to work I go tomorrow. I know a few tears will be shed... hopefully only by me and not by Madeline. I just don't know if I could ever walk away from her when she needed me. Say a little prayer, keep us in your thoughts... life is changing and it doesn't feel good at all.
Tomorrow the boys and M will go to Nana's house for the day. The boys don't have school, but teachers have a planning day... so in to school I go. Nana will watch Madeline for two weeks. After that DH is home for a week. I have the week after that off for Spring Break. M won't have to go to the sitter until the second week of April... which is good.... but, I just want to stay home with her. I have spent the past three months trying to figure out a way to stay home and have an income. I just can't seem to find anything that will work.
I have decided I will continue to look for something during the remainder of the school year and through the summer. I am also thinking that many just a change of venue might help... maybe a change of career paths. I don't know. I have been teaching for 17 years. I enjoy my job... on some levels, but on others I feel this extreme need to move on. I don't know if it is just time or what. I just know that the past three years, teaching has become a job. In the past it has always been a joy. I can't put my finger on any one thing that has caused the change, but I have certainly changed.
Maybe getting back to work will help me to sort some of this out in my head. I know that it is going to really be much more difficult than ever before. I LOVE being a Mom. Mom and wife are the two best things in the world to me. They are what keep me human. They are what keep me sane. My family is.... just so much more than I ever imagined.
So... back to work I go tomorrow. I know a few tears will be shed... hopefully only by me and not by Madeline. I just don't know if I could ever walk away from her when she needed me. Say a little prayer, keep us in your thoughts... life is changing and it doesn't feel good at all.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Mama Cut My Hair... What do you think??
Me and Mama... we laugh a lot!
These are my new bangs.
I am still okay smiling for the camera here.
Okay lady, I have been patient. Are you almost done with that camera?
Courtesy smile... now lets PLAY!!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
My Father
I have spent a lot of time thinking about some things in my life lately. I don't know if it is because bringing Madeline home has had such a profound impact on my life or if being home has allowed me to have time to think without worrying about work and such. There are several things I have wanted to write about. My father is one of those things.
My father was born almost 65 years ago. He is the fourth child, third son in his family. His mother was a nurse. His father was the editor of the sports section of a major NY newspaper. By all accounts he was born into a very good family. They had a big house on the corner of a beautiful street. The house even had a ballroom! His parents and his siblings loved this new baby completely.
Not long after my father was born his mother began to realize that her baby did not react to sound the way her other children had. He did react to very loud noises only. His parents realized their baby was hearing impaired, but could hear. Before my father had his first birthday he had Scarlet Fever. This robbed him of his remaining hearing. By his first birthday my father was deaf. (For those of you who do not know there is a difference between being hearing impaired and deaf. Hearing impaired people have some residual hearing and may benefit from the use of an amplification device such as a hearing aid. People who are deaf have no hearing at all.)
My father has nerve deafness. This means his deafness is due to the failure of the auditory nerve. For him the hair like nerve cells in his cochlea do not work. He is unable to hear. The correct term is called neural hearing loss. It is permanent.
Growing up in the 40s and 50s with deafness was very different than for children today. Since my grandparents were more well off than many others, my father's ability to get therapy was much improved. My grandparents had to make some tough decisions. They had to decide whether to raise their son in a hearing or nonhearing world. There is a significant difference in the two. My grandparents chose the hearing world. This was probably the biggest decision they ever made.
From the time my father was diagnosed until he graduated from college he received Speech/Language services 6 days a week from Syracuse University. During his school years his parents drove him to SU every afternoon. The services he received were not common back then. My father learned to lip read. He learned proper pronunciation. His doctors and his family worked tirelessly. They practiced with him, corrected him, and loved him through it all. In high school he would go from football practice after school to SU and then home to do homework. Due to his hard work my father has perfect speech. Some people who meet him don't believe he is deaf.
The fact that my father speaks and is a lip reader isolated him from the Deaf Community at large. Historically, the deaf community is against all of this. They believe American Sign Language or ASL is the way deaf people should communicate. So, the decisions my father made later in life caused him to move even farther from the deaf community.
In 1964 my parents married. My mother is hearing. She does not know sign language. My father's parents sat my mother down prior to their marriage and had a long talk with her. They wanted to make sure she understood what she was in for marrying a deaf man. They explained to her that she MUST correct him when he mispronounces something. She must have patience with him when he needs to have something repeated several times and in several different ways. They explained that if she allowed him to go around making correctable mistakes she was doing a disservice to him. She understood and accepted it all.
In the late 1980's my parents moved to Kansas. This move was very unexpected and out of character for my parents. They took a leap of faith. Little did they know their lives would be forever changed by making this move. My parents moved to Olathe, Kansas. This is a little town right outside Kansas City, Kansas. Olathe is also home to a very large and distinguished school for the deaf. KC, MO is home to one of the most progressive University hospitals who was looking for candidates to receive cochlear implants.
My senior year in college a miracle happened. My father received a cochlear implant. His life changed. My mother's life changed. Even my life changed. That year my father heard ababy cry for the very first time. My father heard my voice for the first time. I talked to my father without having to look eye to eye for the first time. He heard my sister talk back to him as she left, as an angry teen, out of the kitchen for the first time. He heard the dog bark. He heard the doorbell ring. He heard a bird chirp. He finally understood why we always had the radio on in the car. He said he never realized how noisy the interstate was.
My father's decision to receive a cochlear implant is still an amazing gift we are all thankful for each and every day. Now, when he does not have his processor on he can not hear at all. When the batteries need to be changed, he is "off the air". When he works out in the yard and is hot and sweaty, he can't wear his processor. I imagine there are times when he retreats back to the silence. That is all he knew for so very long.
As my father ages, I have to tell you, his cochlear implant is even more precious. As his eyesight worsens with age his ability to read lips decreases. His deafness certainly would have been much more challenging for him as he gets older if not for this miraculous technology.
The deaf community... the staunch ASL fanatics, do not like cochlear implants. They really are adamant about this. So, the decision my grandparents made all of those years ago to raise their deaf son in the hearing world was so profound. They had no idea that one day there would be technology out there that allowed their deaf son to hear. The choices they made all of those years ago prepared him for his implant later in life.
One of the greatest gifts is the fact that my grandmother lived to know her son was able to hear. This was the single most emotional experience in her life. Her handicapped son, who she dedicated her life to helping, could hear. Not many parents of handicapped children have that gift. She saw this miracle unfold.
M
A little about my father....
My father graduated from Syracuse University with a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Pathology. He earned a Masters Degree from Ithaca College. He was the first deaf Speech Pathologist is two school districts in two different states. My father is the most intelligent human being I have ever met. He is a writer, teacher, parent and husband. He is a miracle.
My father was born almost 65 years ago. He is the fourth child, third son in his family. His mother was a nurse. His father was the editor of the sports section of a major NY newspaper. By all accounts he was born into a very good family. They had a big house on the corner of a beautiful street. The house even had a ballroom! His parents and his siblings loved this new baby completely.
Not long after my father was born his mother began to realize that her baby did not react to sound the way her other children had. He did react to very loud noises only. His parents realized their baby was hearing impaired, but could hear. Before my father had his first birthday he had Scarlet Fever. This robbed him of his remaining hearing. By his first birthday my father was deaf. (For those of you who do not know there is a difference between being hearing impaired and deaf. Hearing impaired people have some residual hearing and may benefit from the use of an amplification device such as a hearing aid. People who are deaf have no hearing at all.)
My father has nerve deafness. This means his deafness is due to the failure of the auditory nerve. For him the hair like nerve cells in his cochlea do not work. He is unable to hear. The correct term is called neural hearing loss. It is permanent.
Growing up in the 40s and 50s with deafness was very different than for children today. Since my grandparents were more well off than many others, my father's ability to get therapy was much improved. My grandparents had to make some tough decisions. They had to decide whether to raise their son in a hearing or nonhearing world. There is a significant difference in the two. My grandparents chose the hearing world. This was probably the biggest decision they ever made.
From the time my father was diagnosed until he graduated from college he received Speech/Language services 6 days a week from Syracuse University. During his school years his parents drove him to SU every afternoon. The services he received were not common back then. My father learned to lip read. He learned proper pronunciation. His doctors and his family worked tirelessly. They practiced with him, corrected him, and loved him through it all. In high school he would go from football practice after school to SU and then home to do homework. Due to his hard work my father has perfect speech. Some people who meet him don't believe he is deaf.
The fact that my father speaks and is a lip reader isolated him from the Deaf Community at large. Historically, the deaf community is against all of this. They believe American Sign Language or ASL is the way deaf people should communicate. So, the decisions my father made later in life caused him to move even farther from the deaf community.
In 1964 my parents married. My mother is hearing. She does not know sign language. My father's parents sat my mother down prior to their marriage and had a long talk with her. They wanted to make sure she understood what she was in for marrying a deaf man. They explained to her that she MUST correct him when he mispronounces something. She must have patience with him when he needs to have something repeated several times and in several different ways. They explained that if she allowed him to go around making correctable mistakes she was doing a disservice to him. She understood and accepted it all.
In the late 1980's my parents moved to Kansas. This move was very unexpected and out of character for my parents. They took a leap of faith. Little did they know their lives would be forever changed by making this move. My parents moved to Olathe, Kansas. This is a little town right outside Kansas City, Kansas. Olathe is also home to a very large and distinguished school for the deaf. KC, MO is home to one of the most progressive University hospitals who was looking for candidates to receive cochlear implants.
My senior year in college a miracle happened. My father received a cochlear implant. His life changed. My mother's life changed. Even my life changed. That year my father heard ababy cry for the very first time. My father heard my voice for the first time. I talked to my father without having to look eye to eye for the first time. He heard my sister talk back to him as she left, as an angry teen, out of the kitchen for the first time. He heard the dog bark. He heard the doorbell ring. He heard a bird chirp. He finally understood why we always had the radio on in the car. He said he never realized how noisy the interstate was.
My father's decision to receive a cochlear implant is still an amazing gift we are all thankful for each and every day. Now, when he does not have his processor on he can not hear at all. When the batteries need to be changed, he is "off the air". When he works out in the yard and is hot and sweaty, he can't wear his processor. I imagine there are times when he retreats back to the silence. That is all he knew for so very long.
As my father ages, I have to tell you, his cochlear implant is even more precious. As his eyesight worsens with age his ability to read lips decreases. His deafness certainly would have been much more challenging for him as he gets older if not for this miraculous technology.
The deaf community... the staunch ASL fanatics, do not like cochlear implants. They really are adamant about this. So, the decision my grandparents made all of those years ago to raise their deaf son in the hearing world was so profound. They had no idea that one day there would be technology out there that allowed their deaf son to hear. The choices they made all of those years ago prepared him for his implant later in life.
One of the greatest gifts is the fact that my grandmother lived to know her son was able to hear. This was the single most emotional experience in her life. Her handicapped son, who she dedicated her life to helping, could hear. Not many parents of handicapped children have that gift. She saw this miracle unfold.
M
A little about my father....
My father graduated from Syracuse University with a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Pathology. He earned a Masters Degree from Ithaca College. He was the first deaf Speech Pathologist is two school districts in two different states. My father is the most intelligent human being I have ever met. He is a writer, teacher, parent and husband. He is a miracle.
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