The Story Continues

Well, my friend from HS, I learned, was involved in some very hurtful conversations about me. She had heard someone accuse me of saying something I WOULD NEVER, EVER say in my life. She didn't stand up for me. She didn't ask any questions. She didn't even tell me this conversation occured. She did participate in spreading this story around.

Over the next two months when my husband and I would arrive at these gatherings of "friends" he was greeted and treated kindly. I was treated like an exile.. like I had the plague. I didn't know why. I had no clue what was happening. After feeling VERY uncomfortable and VERY unwelcome I told my husband I was not going to another gathering. He didn't understand. He asked me to go to just one more... to see what happened. So I did. This was a good and a bad thing.

We went to the gathering. The icy cold reception was blatantly obvious. My husband and I left within minutes.

The next day our phone rang. Another woman from our group of friends called me. She told me that when we left the party.. the group that had been so cool to me.... cheered. They literally cheered when we left. She asked them why. They then told her that someone said I had said something terrible. This person told them that I would NEVER say anything like that. She told them that I was not the kind of person who would do that. She asked them where they heard such a thing. It seems it was all second, third and fourth hand information. A true someone had told someone else who told someone else kind of thing. My "friend" from high school never defended me. She never questioned the person who told her this story and she NEVER told me what was going on.

To say I was hurt is an understatement.


Well, I decided to never spend time with these people again. I have stuck to that for 12 years.

The fact that someone who had been such a very close friend of so long didn't defend me.. changed my ability to make and trust friends. I spent many years keeping a distance from people... not wanting to get hurt again. Not letting anyone get too close.

A year and a half ago we moved into our new home. We met new families. Slowly I have started to allow myself to make friends with our neighbors. This has not been easy. I had to do this though. I had to try again.

A few months ago we received an invitation to a party for one of the men from this group. This same group that we have had NO contact with for over a decade. We declined the invitation.


This past Saturday we walked into a surprise birthday party for a friend. As we entered the door.... my "friend" from HS was there with her husband and another couple from the group. I wanted to walk out the door.... but I didn't. I said hello and moved on.

The rest of the night a few little questions were asked by my former friend... and I answered politely... but cooly. When we left the party.... I cried. It all came flooding back to me... but this time was different.


These are the things I learned.

1. I don't have to be friends with anyone I don't want to.
2. I can go to a social gathering where people who have hurt me are... and still be okay.
3. I can't hold others up to my expectations of myself... but I CAN decide these are not the people I have to spend time with.
4. I can make friends again.
5. I am a strong person who likes other strong people.
6. My friend was a childhood friend. Growing apart and moving on is normal.
7. I can be sad that something bad happened and not have it haunt me forever.
8. I deserve more.

So...this week has been full of signs that I am in a good place.

Three friends have called and invited us to do things in the next week.

I called a friend for a visit.

My co-worker called and invited me out to lunch.


I can actually have healthy, normal relationships with others and trust again. I can also walk away from hurt and not feel compelled to go back. I worried about that one. I am strong enough to be polite and not get sucked back into the drama.

That is my story.