Holiday Season

I have always loved the holiday season. It has not typically been a time for sadness for me. The past few years have made me look at Christmas from the highest highs to the lowest lows. So, I think I have become more introspective than I once was. (That could also be age, but that is another story.)

Two years ago my grandmother died on Christmas morning. She was a religious woman to the core. She suffered a brain stem stroke 5 days before Christmas. There was no chance of recovery. That was the first Christmas in our new home. We had already planned on having Jerry's huge family over for dinner. His mother had passed away just weeks before. I had been cooking my heart out for days... well, for two days. (For those who know me, you know cooking is far from my strong suit. So having such a large gathering is very out of character for me.) This ended up being a blessing. I was able to add my parents and my aunt and uncle for dinner with ease. They needed to be surrounded by life. My mother and my aunt had been struggling with each other the days before my grandmother's death. We were all able to break bread together, while dealing with celebrating this important holiday for the first time after losing two very strong women. It was a day of mixed emotions. It was a day to lean on each other. The loss of my grandmother that morning gave Jerry's family a positive focus for the day. They turned their attention from their own mourning to help my parents... any my family through this very overwhelming day.

Last year on Christmas Eve Madeline was placed in my arms. Her adoption was finalized on Christmas Day. Talk about going from one extreme to the next. In a year's time we went from a death to a new life. Strange. We had no idea the year before that we would be spending Christmas in China... much less to have Madeline come to us on such a amazing day. The anniversary of my grandmother's death now became a day of celebration.

These two extremes make me really stop and think. Now, I am a God fearing woman... but I am also rather... hmm... sarcastic and some may say rough around the edges. I have a loud personality, off color sense of humor and well.. I am not the picture of feminity. I have found these diacotomies in my life to bring me a unique perspective on things.

I saw my grandmother's death as a very sad blessing. She suffered from Alzheimer's for several years. She had just gotten to the point where she no longer recognized people from the present. Dying on Christmas was probably the biggest gift she ever received in her life. Christmas is a day to celebrate life. She celebrated life each and every day. I believe when she saw the heavens open to let the Christ child down, she saw her chance to slide right in to heaven. I believe she needed to be in heaven in order to watch over Madeline for us until we could get to her.

Madeline's adoption day falling on Christmas is almost surreal. To add this beautiful, dynamic person into our family on this date... whew... intense.

This year I am anxiously awaiting Christmas. I have no idea what the day will hold for us. It seems like forever since we had a "normal" Christmas. I look forward to remembering my grandmother, celebrating Madeline's Gotcha and Adoption days and just being with my family. Maureen and Nick will arrive from Australia Christmas Eve. Sharon and the kids will arrive Christmas Day. I am sure the day will be just as rich as it has come to be for my family over these past few years.

Can't wait to tell you all about it.