My boys

I am so lucky to have my boys. I think that is something I can take for granted at times. Whenever it is referral time, I really get a little emotional going back to our referral for Ri. I can remember vividly waiting anxiously for the phone to ring. I refused to even walk to the front porch. I wanted to be close to my paper and pencil so I would remember to write down all the details.

The phone rang....

The voice on the other end asked if I was ready. Duh! Of course! (I had been ready since the day we decided to adopt a daughter from CHina. I worked diligently on our dossier and patiently awaited referral day. Now it was here!! I wanted to hear all about my little girl.)

I told the person, of course I was ready. Then she said... I mean it. Are you ready? YES!! My husband sat down in the chair next to the sofa where I sat. Then the voice said.... "It's a boy." What? Huh? How can that be, I thought. I asked the voice... are you sure you are calling the right family. She assured me she was. I mouthed the word "boy" to my husband. He looked at me like I was crazy. I jotted down a few things the person on the phone was telling me and then I interrupted her. I said... how can we have a son??? We requested a daughter. She said.."What????" I explained to her that we requested a daughter, not either or boy. She paused.... a LONG pause. She then said someone else could call us back. I told her I wanted the rest of the info. but was truly in shock. I wrote everything down, hung up the phone.

I then told DH everything that was shared on the phone. We were flabergasted. We had NEVER heard of anything like this. I felt as if I had walked into a sliding glass door... My brain knew something had happened, just couldn't figure out what. After about 5 seconds, I knew that this little boy that was referred to me was my son. I cried. DH was amazed at how quickly I knew.

A few minutes later the phone rang again. A bigwig from our agency got on the phone. She has pulled the copy of our dossier and verified that we indeed had requested a girl. She asked what we thougth. I told her to email me my baby's picture. I needed to see my sweet son. She emailed the picture and boy was I in love. He was the most beautiful little peanut in the world.

I cried. DH cried. We cried together. I cried some more. I had a son!!!!!! Strange how I knew he was mine.. even with the violet nursery and little dresses hanging in the closet. This was my baby.

Our son, James, was so excited. We told him about his brother.... shared the pictures. He looked at me and said the most amazing thing. "WE GOT WHAT WE WANTED, MOM!!! A BABY!!!!!" Talk about wisdom beyond his years. We, in fact, did get what we dreamed of... a baby. Now, we didn't expect the outdoor plumbing, but boy, he was perfect.

We then drove all over town showing our families our new addition. The surprise and shock on their faces was priceless. I have heard we looked a little shell shocked ourselves.

Now, my two boys play, laugh, fight, giggle... share, bicker, hug, kiss.... smile, cry, love and adore each other. They are brothers through and through.

When referrals come around I am always amazed at the harsh comments people make when the discussion turns to unexpected boys. I feel the need to defend by baby. I do feel as if this has, in some ways, isolated me from the rest of the Chinese adoption community. I don't really feel like I fit. I see everyone posting and growing friendships. I sit back and watch the show... wishing a little that a friend was out there for me.. but not willing to stop defending my amazing son so to not make waves.

Dreams of Madeline

Well, I have been thinking ALOT lately about my daughter. I wonder so many things. I am guessing that she has already been born. I wonder if she if she is warm, fed and content. I wonder if she feels safe. Does she know how it feels to know you are truly loved? Is she able to sleep peacefully? I wonder if she will know, in her heart that she is loved when she is placed in my arms. Will she learn to love me as much as I already love her? Will she enjoy her two crazy brothers? Who will receive the first cherished smile? (My guess is James or Riley.) Will she snuggle in close and feel our love protecting her from her fears?

So much happens in her little life before I can get to her. I hate that!! I know it is necessary in order for her to come home, but just hate the thought of her crying, feeling alone and me not being able to make it all better. It is amazing that she is so deeply rooted in my heart already. I truly feel love for her. Hmmm... Who would have thought that a grouchy, old teacher with two rough and tumble boys would melt at the site of pink little shoes. My poor husband must think I have lost it. (Actually, he knows me well enough to know that my kids are my life.)

I wish I could at least count down.... waiting is the pits.

Working Late and thinking

Well, I am working late and thinking nonstop about Madeline. I wonder what she is doing right now. Is she sleeping peacefully? Is she laughing? Is she feeling safe and secure, loved and cherised? I know all of these will happen... just hate the thought of her somewhere besides in my arms. She has been in my heart for a LONG time now. I am ready for her to be home, safe and sound, knowing she is loved.

I can't wait to just whisper in her ear how much I love her. I can't wait to see her brothers kiss her lovingly on the cheek. I can't wait to sit on the floor next to her sleeping body and listen to her breathe. I can't wait to hear her giggle. I can't wait to play little games like peek a boo. I can't wait to smell her skin after a bath. I can't wait to hold her in my arms as she slips into slumber.

I can't wait to be her mother... forever!

Here again

Well, the week is half over. I can't wait until tomorrow! We are going for the pre-drywall walk through in our new home! We are officially 60 days from closing!!! YIPEE!!! We are so excited about our new home. We have begun purchasing blinds and drapes, planning the kids rooms and more. This is certainly more than I could have ever wished for. We just love our new neighborhood. Hopefully we will meet some of our neighbors before moving in. We see people drive by, but have yet to meet either family building next to us.


In 10 days our dossier will have been logged in one month!! Yipee! ONE MONTH DOWN, 6 TO GO! I can't wait for referral day. It is just indescribable. Keep your fingers crossed our referral comes in February instead of March. GWCA thinks it is possible.


Dreaming of referral day..............