How to Combat the Waiting Woes

Well, after realizing there was absolutely nothing I can do to speed up this wait, I have come up with a plan to combat the waiting woes.

First, I have been working on some retail therapy. Miss Madeline now has about 15-18 outfits waiting in her closet. They are all 12, 18 and 24 months. Now, I know that may not seem like a lot, but it is a huge improvement. She also has 9 pairs of socks! The thought of her cold little toes is not a pleasant one for me. Our referral pictures of Riley had him with bare feet. That drove me nuts from referral to the day he was placed in my arms. I worried about him being cold constantly. (Okay, yes, I know he was in Southern China... but something about those little toes just drove me nuts.

Next, I have forced Jerry to pick out a boy name, just in case. Don't get me wrong, I can't even begin to think that we would have another surprise referral. I just never want to be caught in the situation of not have a boy name. It was horrible when we received our referral. Here was the amazing little boy... with cold, naked feet... who did not have a name picked out for him from a family that loved him. Nope, that will not happen again.

Also, I have found a larger diaper bag I really like. I have the small.. Man Bag already... (yup, manly enough for burly DH to carry) but wanted..(told DH I NEEDED) a larger one, too. It is really cute and...... drum roll please, it is on sale! So, tomorrow I will drag the boys to the store and buy that diaper bag! Woohoo!

Finally, I have just decided I am not putting life on hold anymore. I am preparing for baby, playing with my boys, working hard and just going to keep on truckin' (Does that saying date me, or what??)

I am such a lucky lady... even though I am frustrated with the wait.

I want my baby....NOW.. but understand that there is a lot I can do for now to get ready.

October has been out of the Review Room for what seems an eternity. I am really starting to wonder why it is taking November so long. Some people are really starting to worry that new regulations are going to be enforced starting with the November 2005 LID group. I am just so thankful we have been in the Matching Room for so long now. I really believe any new changes will not effect us. Whew!

Thinking

Okay... I have been thinking. Anyone who knows me well knows that thinking can be a dangerous thing. I have actually started to make a few lists. I am the Queen of All Lists. I have lists for my lists. These are the topics of my newest batch of obsessive lists.

1. Christmas - Yes, I have begun Christmas lists for the boys. I am scared to death that I will be attempting to pack for China and complete Christmas shopping at the same time. I actually called my mother to ask if I could use her closets again this year.
2. Travel Supplies - Okay, yes I already have about 5 lists for travel, but this new one is by person. It reflects if the boys go with us, another version if just Jerry and I travel and finally an emergency list in case I travel alone or with my mother. The last possibility hasn't even been discussed, but I just had to prepare.
3. Baby Needs for home - We do have a baby registry, but I wanted a comprehensive and ever evolving list of items we need to have in order to bring baby home
4. Baby Needs for Travel - The baby's list of travel needs is completely different from our lists above because I have to have a few versions of this list based on age projections. (Can you believe I am admitting that????)
5. Hurricane Supplies - Now, in the midst of all of the adoption unknowns, we have lovely Hurricane Ernesto heading our way. Now, I have to prepare for the possibility of a storm later in the week. FUN!!
6. Clothing for baby - I made a list of what we have for baby... not much, and what we still need... ALOT! I don't think 2 pairs of socks will be enough. We have 2 pairs of pajamas. Heck, we could use both of those in one night with a diaper mishap! Poor baby has absolutely no hats, sweaters, jackets... it looks like she will be coming home in the Winter... and no winter clothes to be found. YIKES!
7. Questions to ask at work for leave - Yes, I have a list of questions to ask my principal. Being in a new district, school, etc... I have no clue how my leave will be handled. I am lost. So, my poor, sweet, principal will have to endure a list.
8. Honey Do List - Poor Jerry has a special list all his own of things to do before travel... painting, moving furniture, hanging things on walls... the poor guy may never sleep again!

So... now you know why I don't sleep well. I am in a constant state of making lists. My list notebook is going to run out of paper soon. I am really thinking that there has to be a list I have forgotten.

If my baby doesn't get here soon... I may get lost in the plethora of lists surrounding my body. Is there a list makers anon group? Hi, My name is Mary. I am addicted to making lists. Admitting I have a problem should be the first step in my recovery... but I have this terrible desire to now make a list about my list problems. HELP!!

P.S. Do you think that having two notebooks for lists is a bad thing? ;-)

I'm Mad at the Ticker

Well, I wondered what would happen to the little ladybug perched so periously on the end of the ticker earlier in the week. Well... wouldn't you know it the ticker expanded. It now goes out TWO YEARS!!! That is the worst feeling in the world! I am having a difficult enough time understanding how this wait got so long. I know there is this blasted unexplainable slow down... but geesh... did the ticker have to expand to two years???? I mean... I can understand maybe... 3 months.... but two years?? Okay.. I know I am being repetitive, but I am just so anxious. You know I am in bad shape when retail therapy isn't helping. I was so excited when we received our Man Diaper bag... the one DH will be carrying, in the mail. That excitement was short lived. I just took the diaper bag with my baby's name on it and tucked it away in her bedroom. Hummpphhh.

Well.. I know I need to move past this pity party. Riley wants to get a blankie for Madeline. He is worried she won't have one when she gets home... so I guess we will make a few more purchases. Now, do I get up the courage to buy a carseat or do I wait? I mean... could this really go on for several more months???


Trying to move on and be strong.

One Year

1 year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days

Where has the time gone? It seems to have gone by so quickly and so slowly all at once. I have such mixed emotions right now. Part of me is happy that we have the year down so we can, hopefully, be closer to referral. Another part of me is frustrated that it has taken so long. I just am ready for my daughter.

Today some people are receiving their referrals. It is such a joyous day, yet there is mass confusion at the same time. Missing referrals, no clue of a cut-off date. It seems agencies were caught just as off guard as families waiting this time.

I am really looking forward to seeing all of these beautiful babies in the next few days... and dreaming of the day I will see mine.

Bored??? Who ME?????

Will the ticker be long enough?

Proving that I have been thinking entirely too much lately, I began to wonder... will the ticker that shows how long since LID be long enough?? Right now the little ladybug seems to be at the end of her rope, so to speak. Kind of appropriate, I might add.

I guess deep down inside I had hoped we wouldn't make it to the dreaded year since LID, but... much to my chagrin, the time is just mere days away. My little ladybug ticker has walked proudly the green mile. Will the road legthen or will she find peace and solace soon?

Right now... no real rumors. We have no clue if the end of the road is weeks or months away. I just know that the little ladybug ticker, really seems to define how I feel right now.

Rumors and Waiting

Well, I am hoping we hear some great rumors starting tomorrow. When I read someone from our agency was told that the rest of July is expected and we could possibly see our daughter in September I almost fell out of my chair. I can't even begin to acknowledge that September may be our month. I have October in my brain as the most likely scenario... but September.... whew... that would be nice.

Jerry thinks if we receive our referral in September it will come on my... ummm... 40th birthday. He thinks that would be the perfect birthday gift. I, of course, agree wholeheartedly. If October is our month we would be very happy... but it is also the one year anniversary of losing Jerry's mother. I think if we received our referral on this date it may bring some happiness to the date that his mother would have loved. She was so supportive of our quest to have a family. She stood by us through fertility treatments, tubal pregnancy, miscarriages and adoption.

She LOVED her grandchildren with every fiber of her being. She was so excited about us adopting again. The anniversary of her death would give this whole thing a very different twist.

So.. September would be amazing.... and October would be great.

The rumors, the waiting will all be so worth it.

By the way... I have started shopping. Madeline now has about 10 outfits. I ordered a Lands End diaper bag today with her name monogrammed on it. It is the small one, so it will work great for Jerry and short trips. We had one for Riley and LOVED it. (I still have my eye on a nice larger diaper bag, but will wait until referral.)

So.. my baby predictions... though I was completely off when I did this for Riley...

1. Girl
2. NanNing, Guangxi... just like big brother Riley
3. 10 months old at referral
4. The most beautiful baby girl ever!!!!

Anticipation.....

I can't wait to see who is included in this next batch of referrals. It is getting closer!!


This morning when Riley woke up... the very first thing he said was.... "I want Maddie." He was half asleep, eyes barely open and he was thinking about his sister. He talks about her all the time lately.

Yesterday he said, Riley from China... yes, Mama... no, Dada... no, James... no, Maddie.... yes, Riley.. yes!! He was just kind of listing whether we were each from China. It melted my heart!! He is really a sweet little boy.

James is equally excited. His only request is that this time he wants a baby that is "holdable". I guess a strong willed two and a half year old brother when he came home wasn't quite holdable enough!!

Jerry is thinking that being referred another two year old would not be a bad thing at all. He said Riley was the perfect age... walking right out of the box. Right now the thought of carrying a little one around isn't as desireable as a two year old... I think his opinion would change QUICKLY if he had to chase a 4 year old and a 2 year old around. Having one a little less mobile would probably become quite desireable, very quickly.

Me... I am just ready. Sometimes I just feel her in my heart... so close... so needing me. Sometimes I miss her. It seems odd to think that I miss someone I haven't met... but somewhere deep down inside I know she is waiting. I miss her. I am ready to bring my daughter home... I don't care if she is holdable, walking ... just that she is home, in my arms feeling very loved and secure.

Is the Sun Poking Through the Clouds?

The last few days I have been feeling as if we are actually getting closer to referral. Nothing has happened to cause this positivity. It just seems as if the sun is starting to poke through the clouds. The clouds over this extended wait have seemed to linger. For some reason it feels as if daylight is making it's way into our wait. I am starting to realize that we could be about 10 weeks until referral. I can make it 10 more weeks..... heck.. a miracle could happen and we could actually only be 6 weeks a way. I think 10 is more realistic.

I am starting to see the end of this wait in the distance. I am starting to feel like this is not just going to drag on forever.... but my daughter is actually within reach. I am actually feeling so positive. It is a refreshing feeling. I hope it lasts.

Back to Work

Well, I have officially been back to work for a week now. WOW! The summer breat really flew by! I loved every minute of being home with my boys. They are just so much fun. It would have been so nice to have had Madeline home this summer... but next summer will be wonderful. It is interesting to be back to work. Moving to a new district, new school, new students, new program, etc... all is just so different. We will see how this year develops!

So... how did it get to be 11 months and 2 weeks since LID??? Where has the time gone?? Each day is starting to let me feel closer to Miss Madeline. For some reason I just feel like we are closing in on referral day. I have not felt that way before. I am starting to get excited. I have been thinking that we should see her picture in 8-12 weeks.... hoping for 8 weeks, of course.

I am excited abou the next batch of referrals. I can't wait to see what the cut-off date is. I am crossing my fingers, toes, eyes for good luck. Trying to keep the bad chi out of our home!!!

Keep an eye open for referrals in 2 weeks!!!!!!!

Below is a VERY large map of the different states I have visited. I saw this on Erin's blog and thought I would check it out. Trying to kill some time during this WAIT!!!!!!!






create your own visited states map